"All your sh*t is f*cked"
February was my last month as the CEO of Aura Bora, a beverage brand I started six years ago.
We’re going to start in the middle, jump to the end, and finish with a brief interlude back at the beginning. If you decide to stick with this publication, you can expect a lot of in media res. It’s a weak writer’s trick to hook you— like profanity in the headline or sports idioms. Play ball!
FOUR SUMMERS AGO, I flew to Greece with my wife, Maddie. The trip was sensible for a few reasons: I descend from a long line of loud, hairy Greeks, and Maddie eats more cheese than anyone I know. On the island of Milos, we discovered a local delicacy called Cheese Pie, where it’s customary to dip phyllo-wrapped cheese into a bowl of hot melty cheese. Opa.
When I stepped onto the flight to Athens, it marked my first full day off work in 644 days. Not Christmas. Not my birthday. Not when the sky turned orange from forest fires or when I got Lyme disease. From starting Aura Bora in March 2019 to July 2021, I spent more hours working than walking, sleeping, and eating combined—though the latter may have come as a surprise to you at the time. I was 30 pounds heavier than usual, exercising 10 minutes per week, and stress-eating Kouign Amanns with better-for-you Pringles. For those of you keeping track at home, that’s a 1/2 pound gained per week since the sale of the first can of Lavender Cucumber sparkling water.
My vacation plan was simple: I’d spend the first week of our Greece trip balancing work with play: afternoons and evenings on Zoom, mornings exploring the islands. But in the second week, I would finally go ‘totally unplugged’ from Aura Bora for six days straight. I told my employees and vendors that contacting me should be reserved for “an extreme emergency”. If you’re thinking this sounds like a setup for a disaster, you’re very perceptive.
On my first day off at exactly 9:00am Pacific Time, I received a terrifying text. Maddie and I were hiking by the beach with poor island reception when a message came through from our warehouse. The caption: ALL YOUR SHIT IS FUCKED. There was a video attached that wouldn’t quite load. I ran down the trail in a desperate attempt to get cell service—what shit? All the shit?? We had just finished our largest production run ever and $250K worth of sparkling water cans were sitting inside that warehouse. If all the sh*t was f*cked, I was too.
At the top of a limestone cliff, the video loaded. I squinted at my phone screen. I heard it before I saw it. Like popcorn, every 2 seconds, the sounds of cans exploding. The warehouse echoed with detonations. POP POP POP. If you’ve seen this scene from The Jerk, you know what to imagine. Why me? Why this? Why today of all days? 10,000 sparkling water cans were exploding every hour and I was 6,000 miles away.
For months after the incident, we sifted through the wreckage to find usable product, and apologized to almost every customer we had. Thankfully, no one was injured in these high-pressure explosions, and we were made whole from insurance after a drawn-out appeal. But it made for a lousy “week off” in Greece. (I recognize this is a Champagne Problem; I was working late into the night to fix my business, but I was also working from a beautiful country filled with Cheese Pies. If that sort of whiney anecdote makes you bristle, I fear this whole Substack might not be for you).
I tell this story because it’s the perfect bite-sized version of the oft-hellscape that is running a beverage business. One moment, you’re watching your brand grow and thrive with all the “It is good” feelings of a Great Creator. And the next moment, someone is tossing molotov cocktails at your feet—tragedy strikes, even more brutal than even your worst-case-scenario expectations. Man plans, God laughs, the Mets choke in September: these are life certainties.
If you’re all-in on a dream of any sort, you understand. And if you’re ready to go all-in on a dream, I have more stories for you (it’s good to information-gather before you gamble your life). The 2021 Sparkling WaterGate™ is a good metaphor for what running this business felt like. A large purchase order, a successful fundraise, an exhilarating trade show—then the worst calamity possible while on vacation. Maybe your life feels like this in general; two steps forward, nine steps back, down the side of a hill. If so, I’m with you. If not, let me entertain you at least.
For now, let’s skip to the end.
Today
It’s March 18th, 2025 and February was my final month as the CEO of Aura Bora. The company sold to a Private Equity firm in January and after six weeks of transition, I passed off the proverbial keys. I’ll remain an Advisor to the new owners as they see fit, but this certainly ends a pivotal chapter of my life.
There is a lot to unpack from the whole experience, and I’ll touch on the most compelling parts in future newsletters. For now, I’ll say the beverage business is famously competitive, cutthroat, and capital-intensive. And in spite of it all, we became, for a time, the fastest growing sparkling water in the country*. Let me briefly summarize my years at Aura Bora with some numbers:
30 Million cans of sparkling water manufactured and sold
10,000+ stores carried our products: Sprouts, Whole Foods, Wegmans, and Publix to name a few
20+ limited time flavors sold online to a passionate community of seltzer aficionados: Blackberry Black Pepper, Blueberry Wildflower, Olive Oil Martini, and Green Bean Casserole (yes, I know)
6 hours of sleep considered “a good night’s rest”, and far above my daily average
30 lbs. gained, lost, gained again, and lost again— not quite Christian Bale, but not far off
200+ flights around the country to atypical airports (LGB’s outdoor security checkpoint is novel, PDX carpet has its own Wikipedia, and EWR’s self-checkout has saved me valuable minutes on many 1-day trips East)
Aura Bora grew me up in an incredible way. As one of our investors put it, I got a world class education for free. I learned about consumer packaged goods, and scaling sales efforts, and navigating complex cap tables. I learned about cold-force carbonation and reverse-osmosis filters. And I learned a lot about myself, especially my inner self. I can feel more now than I thought possible, and I can’t believe so many of you have been living on this emotional plane forever. I’m not yet convinced that it’s entirely a good thing. It seems like those who experience pain and loss feel others’ pain more deeply. Empathy is nice but it’s certainly true that ignorance is bliss. If I could go back, I might just take the blue pill**.
Some of you are probably tired of hearing me talk about this silly sparkling water brand, or the curse of the modern grocery store, or fundraising horror stories. I don’t blame you. I’m tired of it too. That’s probably the number one ‘emotion’ I’ve been feeling. I’m tired of trying so hard, and caffeinating in vain, and talking too fast because I triple-scheduled myself in the name of ‘efficiency’. I’m tired of midwest airport meals late at night and the smell of indoor hotel pools. More than anything, I’m tired of waking up every day at 5am filled with cortisol, self-doubt, and Slack notifications. Thankfully one of you sent me a great recommendation for a sleep therapist.
Many of you helped me. You sent me encouraging texts, you felt excitement about the latest flavor, and you often bought a sparkling water that was more expensive than the option next to it, just for me. Thank you.
Despite the slog, I can’t recommend starting something more highly. Maybe not a beverage, but creating something publicly with the full support of your community is a powerful, unique human experience. ‘2019-Me’ would roll his eyes so hard at that sentence, but it is, unfortunately, completely true.
And now, if you’ll indulge me for a moment, this is my first ever post on Substack so I’m feeling nostalgic. Here are some photos that are near and dear to me. One day, in a nursing home, I hope I can scroll through them again and remember just how much I wanted to succeed, and how that didn’t really matter in the end anyway.
Farewell, Aura Bora
I’m proud of the products we made, the business we built, and the employees who helped build it with me. This whole company started from a joke in our kitchen. I thought it was funny to make unique (perhaps pretentious) sparkling waters with a posh accent. Maddie thought it was amusing, but not quite funny. 2,000 days later and I’m still here pouring samples trying to make her laugh. I know future me will look back at this whole experience as Phase One of my adult life.
If you came to this essay as a fellow member of the friendly consumer packaged goods industry, I’m so happy our paths crossed. It’s odd to say goodbye to a ‘thing’ like a business, so instead I’ll say goodbye to you. In so many ways, the food and beverage industry can ‘f*ck’ your ‘sh*t’, but the trauma-bonded people in it are really special. Thanks for being an easy friend and a quick call after a long, hard day.
What is this newsletter?
I called this publication Renaissance Man because it is in many ways the opposite of running a business. Sure, entrepreneurs are forced to be generalists with a thorough knowledge of every practice area of their business. But they are still all-in on one premise and their days (when done right) should become intensely routine.
This publication will become a thorough collection of writing across a wide variety of subjects, both left brain and right. It will catalog my time building ‘a portfolio life’. I’d like to spend weeks learning one subject then move on to the next one—enough to establish light mastery of the subject, but not so much to feel stuck in it.
I’m pretty good at crossword puzzles, excellent at wiffle ball, but have only a ‘limited working proficiency’ in Spanish (and this is generous). Renaissance Man isn’t about ‘being great’ at everything, or even aspiring to greatness at anything. It is about fostering a deep curiosity across many disciplines, such that a decade from now I can look back at a 'résumé that looks more whimsical than calculated. I hope that what starts as writing and fascination with a subject becomes practice of it. More than anything, I love creating. Even creating poorly is a worthwhile pursuit. There was nothing—and then there was something.
The title is a bit of a misnomer: Leonardo Da Vinci is seen as the ultimate renaissance man, showcasing mastery across several disciplines: painting, sculpture, science, engineering, philosophy, to name a few (what an insufferable guy). If that’s the sort of intellectual writing you’re looking for, sorry. This will be more Buzzfeed than academic journal.
A more apt title might be Generalist or Wannabe Jack of All Trades, but I fear those lack the gravitas of Renaissance Man. So while I have no achievements you might see showcased in a textbook or museum, I am most inspired by those that have set their sights on milestones in a number of different fields. And I hope the writing here inspires similar curiosity in others.
Essays coming down the pipe in the near future: Bet with Me: Ray Dalio March Madness Hedging, The Golden Age of Bagels, and Secret Billionaires: How Leprino Foods Rules the Pizza World. If those sound interesting to you, stay tuned.
What’s next?
I don’t have a grand plan. This morning, wafts of eucalyptus filled our street from the park nearby and I felt the rare joy of a long walk with no required end time. I’ve been reading more and stress-snacking less. I’m learning magic tricks from my friend, Emily. I joined an 1880s-style baseball league in the park with a group of total strangers. And occasionally, I spend early mornings fishing on my friend Jeff’s boat. Halibut and tuna are fun, but crabbing is the best. The net does all the work and we get to talk about whatever strikes our fancy.
For pursuits one might construe as ‘work’, I’ve been bouncing between a few: an idiom-based word game, prank fortune cookies, and a cleaner way to save voicemails from loved ones. In July, I’m hiking the John Muir Trail with some friends. And Maddie and I are long overdue for a phone-free trip to somewhere filled with cheese. Thanks for reading.
Footnotes:
*Nielsen, IRI, and SPINS track scans at the cash register of almost all products, but not at all stores. There are many ways to slice this data— and we are a small blip on the seltzer radar compared to Sparkling Ice, LaCroix, Bubly, Spindrift, etc. But still a cool fact.
**My brother-in-law Aidan tells me ‘blue pill’ (and red pill) have become preferred nomenclature for the alt right. I assure you I’m referring only to The Matrix.
The thing about Aura Bora is that it has soul. Tastes great, too, but what you poured into it was so clear from the beginning. Thanks for doing that. Excited to follow this journey, too.
Gosh this is so good. I can't wait to read all of Renaissance Man